Going Against the Status Quo to Heal
Have you ever really looked at a stained glass window?
I grew up in the church, and as much as it negatively impacted my life, there was a lot of beauty in it too.
I remember getting bored in Catholic Mass and staring at the ceiling, doing everything I could to at least appear like I was paying attention— my mom appreciated that kind of attentiveness.
Right behind the priest was a statue of Jesus, dying on the cross—which was depressing for a little kid. So instead, I stared at the stained glass windows; which was good enough for my mom.
The stories the glass told also felt depressing, but the bold colors were mesmerizing. Throughout the service, the sun would hit different pieces of the glass, and I would get lost following the light, sometimes even blinded by it.
Recently, my brain has been getting overwhelmed by the pace of life.
I did my best, and I did a pretty damn “good” job of keeping up with that pace in order to mask my truest desires. But as I’ve implemented evidence-based practices that are proven to help me understand myself, my mental health, and my physical health, I noticed a shift in what I desire for my life.
Instead of following society’s workaholic standards, I’ve taken several steps back from my commitments to assess why I continue to hustle to the extent that I do– whether or not I actually enjoy what I’m doing, or if it’s just another way for me to escape reality.
I can't deny, there’s a sense of guilt that overshadows my decision to step away from working as much as I have. But instead of that feeling engulfing me, I’m learning to let that feeling go.
As those sensations continue to pass me by, I’m met with some very valid questions around navigating transition and change:
How do I navigate change when change means letting go of what I thought we wanted?
How do I know that the change isn't going to bring more pain?
How do I know that the changes I’m making are going to be worth leaving my old life behind?
And do I even have enough time to make these changes in a way that feels good or sustainable?
As we get closer and closer to the holiday season, I’m challenging myself to listen more and to fix less. I am challenging myself to stay in the discomfort instead of attempting to escape the moment. And most of all, I’m learning to look at the stained glass in a new way.
You see, each one of us is an individual fragment of stained glass, offering a unique perspective that is formed by our own experiences. Each piece of glass is beautiful and unique enough to get lost in its complexities, but if we get stuck focusing on just that one piece, we’re missing out on a key element of what makes it all so beautiful, all so powerful:
That we are all a part of something much bigger than ourselves, and that every experience and every situation will lead us closer to experiencing the beauty that makes up our world, cultivating an attitude of gratitude that I am one step closer to what I’ve always hoped to see:
A masterpiece made up of tiny little pieces of stained glass.
The world deserves your beauty. The world deserves your passions. The world deserves what you have to offer.
The world deserves you.
Journal Reflections Questions:
Even if you know that change is going to be good for you, it can feel so scary to follow through because it’s so unfamiliar and it’s unknown what it’ll bring. Our brains would rather go through tough predictable times rather than explore the unknown even with the possibility of something good.
Maybe that means placing new boundaries with family or bringing up challenging but necessary conversations. So as you find yourself considering abandoning the effort and going back to the way things were, I invite you to get out your journal and take some time to look inward and reflect:
How do I define success and how has that changed over time?
How am I experiencing grief in the midst of changing times? Where and How does it feel in my body?
What fears or feelings am I scared to experience during this time? How have I faced those fears in the past?
